Research shows, I'm a freaking great MOM!

Like all too many moms I spend a great deal of my day worrying about all I have done wrong for my child. Obsessing on what I should have done, what I did wrong, and all I didn’t get accomplished during the last 24 hours. The guilt of motherhood is not simply a featured article in Parent’s magazine; it is a reality for millions of moms, including myself. So, in order to bring myself out of the depths of the lovely pity party I was throwing for myself this morning (with streamers and everything), after another sleepless, restless night, I chose to look at my morning with a critical deconstructionists eye. After all, I am a researcher at heart. I should be able to examine motherhood the same way I examine a scholarly article, right?

It was after this process, and through some prayer, that I came up with a thought (the title of this entry) – Research shows, I’m a great freaking MOM!

Before 10am this morning, the following occurred. I grilled salmon for lunch, sliced tomatoes and cucumbers that, hello, I grew in the garden. Made a salad to take to church potluck, as to not partake in Grandma’s homemade macaroni, cheese, and heart-attack pie. Made vegetable spring rolls with quinoa for the same reason and even went online to calculate the exact Weight Watchers points, so I can eventually embrace the true thin person I was meant to be, nursed Georgia three times, had coffee with my Mom at Starbucks, made 2 dozen chocolate-chip walnut cookies (and hardly sampled ANY of the batter), sang “Happy Happy Birthday” fifteen times (Georgia’s current favorite song), did the “Dragon Tales” dance repeatedly while I did dishes, completed a load of laundry, knelt down and spoke gently as Georgia screamed in frustration “We don’t yell, we use are words, what do you need?” I then beamed with pride as she said “help me.” I took time to dress Georgia and myself (imagine), and even poured myself a glass of water with mint, lime, and cucumber (yep, from the Garden.) As far as I am concerned, I, and millions of other moms like me are heroic. Hey, that’s the way the evidence points! (Now, remind me to re-read this tomorrow!)

STAYCATION

Today was the day for another funeral. Two, in a period of three weeks. It's not the way we planned to spend our summer and certainly not our idea of a nice day together. So, after all the sadness of saying goodbye to one of Don's high-school friend's who died suddenly of a heart-attack leaving behind three children, one who is just 10 months old, we need some healing time as a family. We decided to be tourists for the day, in the very place we live. We took the ferry to San Francisco and took the streetcar to Pier 39. We walked with the other tourists and we looked at shirts that said "I LOVE SF" and we remarked "You know, I do love SF!" We ate touristy food and took touristy pictures and we laughed. We stood and watched the sea lions which we explained to Georgia were a bit like, um, well, "Water Dogs"...I guess. We threatened to buy postcards and mail them to our friends. I payed $2 for a peach! It was wonderful. We found our smiles again and we remembered the deep blessings we have, because we have one another.  

We ended the day eating good food with Don's parents and nibbling on apple pie that I made from apples we picked at Granny's house. I love feeling this domestic. The pie was so buttery and delicious and I let the flavors samba on my tongue. A beautiful way to end our day of tourism, eating with a lovely local family.

As I write this, the world's best husband is in our small and perfect living room putting Georgia to sleep. I hear her singing her 16 month-old song. I hear her fighting sleep, when it's all that I want. We pray for a restful night, that she will sleep until morning. But, if she wakes up once, or twice, or even ten times, we are blessed because she is ours; she is safe; and she trusts us. We treasure today because it's all we have.