The New Year is typically a time for celebrating, for reflecting on the year behind and looking forward to what lies ahead. Celebration. I didn’t do too much of that as the new year approached. I guess I should feel bad that we stayed home for New Year’s Eve and ate a Tofurkey Roast with roasted potatoes with my mom and sister. It seems uneventful to bathe the baby like always and then sit up watching a Disney movie until we all fell asleep by 10pm. It would have been nice to dress myself up fancifully and go out all night. But this year, celebrating didn’t seem right. Don’t get me wrong there is much to be happy about; many blessings throughout the year that have not gone unnoticed. I thank God for giving me an amazing husband, family, daughter, and life. I am one of those few people who actually love their job. One of the people who doesn’t regret marrying the one they’re with, and quite the opposite, spends much of each day amazed that I got such a good one. My daughter is an amazing soul. I don’t use those words lightly. I can’t even believe how happy she makes my life. I could not offer “thank you” in enough ways for the amazing gifts this year has afforded.
This year, of course, has also brought great heartache. Never before have I worried as the New Year approached; could this year be as bad as the last? I hope not. I didn’t feel like blowing a horn to celebrate the incoming year, I felt like lying quietly in bed and staring at the ceiling; so, that’s what I did. As I sit awake now with my little one asleep in my bed, I feel deep reflection on the year that has passed. We approach a new decade, a new year, and so much new potential. I also feel compelled to somehow organize the year behind me. Not as much for you, but for me. At least this will help me remember what has transpired. The dates may be wrong, but the experiences are vivid.
January: Our family took the long car ride to Santa Monica to visit Sarah. We stayed at the Fairmont and I felt luxurious. Georgia ate her first non-pureed food and we had a beautiful visit with friends. We couldn’t believe how well the car ride went.
Obama became our president and new hope sprung from my heart.
I got a call from Novato Community Hospital. Don had been badly bitten by a Rottweiler.
February:
Georgia mastered the high-five. It may not seem like a big deal to most - but this was a milestone for us! (And she only got cuter as the year went on!)
Don was baptized. It was a beautiful ceremony from a loving and kind pastor. Our church family rejoiced and we were so happy.
March:
Don and Georgia hunkered down for a long season baseball. You wouldn't believe how cute it was to watch a dad and his toddler enjoy baseball this much.
We took a trip to Monterey; we stayed in a Bed and Breakfast. Georgia mastered the high-five. I woke up early and took beautiful long walks along the water with Georgia. We went to the aquarium with our sweet Noel. I was so sick but couldn’t take any cold medicine (breastfeeding mama). Georgia had a terrible cold too. She screamed during dinner so I had to take my food to go. She screamed in the hotel room forever and when she finally fell asleep, I silently ate my Ono with wasabi-mashed potatoes in the bathroom like a rat hiding from a mean gardener with a rake.
Georgia turned one. I cried. I couldn’t believe a year had already gone by. I suppose I will be feeling like that every year of my life.
April: Don is still suffering from the dog-bite, unable to help as much as he once did. With so many antibiotics given he is catching every virus possible and is literally sick for 6 months. I shouted daily about how “These people will pay!” Although, as the months went by I became less and less sure that I was right.
Don took me to see Dar Williams in Petaluma. A fantastic date-night and concert.
Georgia took part in her first Easter egg hunt, and it was also the day she had her first fever. We ended up at the doctor’s office on Easter day with 103-degree fever. I learned what parents mean when they say it hurts them more than it hurts the child. (And not in the creepy “I’m gonna hit you” way.) It physically pained me to see my daughter so uncomfortable.
On April 21st Georgia officially walked. Now, she runs, jumps, and will never stop. It’s actually hard to believe that she was once NOT mobile.
May:
We have the beautiful pleasure of attending a party at Carla’s house. Between the fire dancers, yummy food, entertainment, great conversation, and fun, I kept forgetting that my dear friend was dying.
I turned 29. It hurt this year. (Spare me the “Oh, my gosh, twenty nine?!?!? I’d KILL to be 29; that’s young; give me a break, etc. Keep two things in mind. First, this is the oldest I’ve ever been. Second, this is the last year that I will be in my twenties. I cannot be on American Idol and my students think I am old.)
We saw the terrible news reports about a little girl and her father being struck in a crosswalk by a drunk driver. We wept when the second report came out on the Novato Mother’s Club that night. Nine year-old Melody Osheroff had been killed, her father potentially paralyzed. We went out to the vigil that night, to feel the sense of community we have here. To cry for a family’s loss.
June:
Don and I spent our first night away from Georgia. (A belated 2nd anniversary present to ourselves.) We went to Calistoga and the 28 hours we were gone felt like forever. I read a book (and not a book about vaccines or sleeping, or healthy nutrition for toddlers. A real book, just for fun, for grown-ups!). We lounged by the pool. We had a beautiful dinner at Brannan’s and I wore a dress that I didn’t need to pull down mid-dinner to breastfeed anyone in. We had sex – twice, even. It was an amazing day-ish. We loved being away, but we physically ran into Georgia’s arms when we came back.
We traveled to Mendocino and rented a house. My friend Marisa was getting married and I made her cake. (Stressful, but beautiful). Georgia danced her heart out at the wedding; I was beaming with pride. My Mom came with us, which was a real treat. The house we rented was amazing. We all talked about how we would keep coming back to this house for years to come. Unfortunately my Mom left her coat at the house. The property owner told me she would mail it to me, but never did. She then apologized for the delay and send she was sending it that day. She never did. I called and called. She never returned the call. After 5 months, I threatened to sue her and even sent a certified lawyer-speak letter demanding that the fashionable wool coat be returned. She did not respond. Eventually the letter was returned. I think the property owner may be dead; I'm so serious. I set up a fake email address to try to get in contact with her and am literally unable to verify that she is even alive.)
Georgia was a flower girl in our friend’s Ron and Earleah’s wedding. She did amazingly well during the ceremony but had a pretty severe breakdown after. I thought we’d never make it the reception. We did, though, and Don and I even had a dance or two out on the dance floor.
At 15 months, Georgia has over 100 words.
July
I want to skip the review of this month entirely. But I won’t. This month, my friend was murdered. I literally lay in bad last night physically aching as I thought about the morning I found out, as I considered how surreal the whole thing still is. I think of her everyday, of her daughter, of her smile, and her laughter. Sometimes I get bogged down in the deep sadness of it all and the world seems like too much to bear. I start to feel like there is no point when the world is so unfair and so very sad. Heartbroken. Those are the times I stare into my daughter’s eyes and remember how beautiful she is.
This is also the month I had planned the best vacation ever. Sadly, our plane left five days after Danielle was killed, the morning after her funeral. At first I wanted to cancel the vacation entirely. But after five days of utter chaos all I wanted to do was get away. If one has to grieve and mourn a loss like this, Maui is a beautiful place to do it.
August:
August was a month of grieving and sadness and also the month where I planted my garden. You wouldn’t believe how much joy a 15 x 6 foot raised redwood bed brought my family and me. We feasted on delicious produce; we spent time together as a family tending to the garden. I watched my daughter grab a perfect cherry tomato off the vine and pop it into her mouth. It was beautiful to see such rich vibrant, new growth in a time of such loss.
September
On September 10th, we thought Don had a heart-attack (he didn’t, thank God). It was also the day that some serious and damaging family secrets were revealed to us. Doesn’t God have a funny sense of timing? Rather than rehash a lot of crap that has essentially thrown our lives into a whirlwind, I will say this; it is unbelievably important to tell the truth. To show those we love who we are. We are ugly and beautiful, kind but also mean. These are things that make us so truly human. I will not lie to Georgia. She will know who I am and who our family is, the good and the bad. I hope to teach her that all people have strengths and weaknesses and that that is OKAY. I hope she never wonders who I am.
Sept. 12th, I turn 5 years healthy. It was five years ago from this date that I decided to drastically change my way of living. Since, I have lost 85 pounds and I’m only looking forward to more good health in the future. It is a daily struggle, but it is a battle that I don’t plan to give up on. I will be the exception.
Carla plans a camping trip in Samuel P. Taylor Park, unfortunately, last minute she gets too sick to go. I was incredibly saddened thinking that her “last camping trip” might not happen at all now. We went to Sammy P that day anyway and enjoyed the amazing nature God has so graciously gifted to us. Georgia still has yet to go camping.
October
Georgia is the cutest “baby barista” in the whole world for Halloween. I sit with complete awe as she goes door to door trick-or-treating and saying “More candy please” and “Thank you” after it’s placed in her bag. She doesn’t get to eat candy, but she was acutely aware that this was a special day where she was allowed to go door-to-door collecting something and she loved it. So did I.
Don and I took part in an awesome marriage workshop at our church, led out by the cutest couple in the world, our pastor and his wife. The 3 week workshop ended with a fancy shmancy catered banquet and vow renewal ceremony. I wore my wedding dress. (Yes, it fit! Even post-baby!!!) The day of our vow renewal I went to my moms to get ready, just like on our real wedding day. When I arrived I saw that Don had sent me a huge bouquet of long-stem red roses…just like on our real wedding day.
While driving Georgia to the pumpkin patch in Nicasio one Sunday morning we came across a man lying on the side of the road. No car in sight. He was alone and rolling around in pain. A few other cars began to stop. My mom, being the Community Bear that she is (a.k.a. Nurse) stabilized his neck and body and we called 911. Don spotted the man’s motorcycle hundreds of yards from where he was. He had hit a deer while riding out the curvy roads to the Cheese Factory. While the paramedics and firefighters worked on him, I called “home” in his cell phone and spoke to his kids. They rushed out the scene. He was airlifted to Santa Rosa and the helicopter landed right in the field of cows. (How did Georgia sleep through all of this? Especially considering if a floorboard squeaks in our house in the night she is WIDE-awake!). We had the amazing pleasure of staying in contact with this man, Mike. We even had coffee with him a month later. He thanked us all for “saving his life.” Even though we didn’t think of ourselves as heroes, we took the compliment. Although he broke 8 ribs, punctured a lung, broke his collarbone, and had lots of bumps and bruises, he is improving and so thankful to be alive. So are we.
November:
Don turned 40 this month. He begged me not to throw him a surprise party, but he didn’t say anything about a secret getaway with his closest friends. To Don’s surprise I we snuck away to Calistoga where six of his closest friends were waiting. We had an amazing baby-free weekend that even resulted in us dancing crazily in a seedy bar to “Gold-digger” – Good times!
This month my friend Chrissy came from Australia to Palm Desert to visit her family. Georgia and I flew down to Palm Desert for four days. I have never felt like such a grown up. I rented a car, stayed in a hotel; I was responsible for all of Georgia’s care and attention, no one to help me out. I was worried that it would be really difficult. Quite the opposite ended up happening. I absolutely loved having girl time with Georgia. We bonded; we ate breakfast together; we swam; we cuddled; we jumped on the bed; and she vomited on me in a restaurant. It was great.
December:
Don turns five years sober. I wrote him a song and made quiche. We had brunch at our house and our family went to his AA meeting to see him receive his chip. At the meeting Georgia shouted “Yeah Daddy! Daddy get a chip! Yeah Daddy!” (I shit you not!) How can so much pride for my husband and my baby live inside my newly slender body?
We took a lovely daycation to Sebastopol where we continued our family tradition of cutting down our own Christmas tree. It gets better and better every year as Georgia gets older. We took a tractor ride, we ate popcorn and drank apple cider, we sat around a big fire, and we met some really cool goats. It was the type of day that TV movies are made of.
The year behind me has at minimum been…eventful. Although I did my best to do a quick year in review, there are literally thousands of experiences I have not recapped. There were dozens of delicious meals (many at AVA), brunch in the city, hanging out with friends, birthday parties, funerals, and perfect mornings with delicious lattes. I started learning guitar, started teaching Georgia how to use the potty, and even crocheted my first sweater. It was a year where I lost 20 lbs, lost a friend, and am losing another. It was a painful year, I do not feel wrong to say that. Yes, there is much beauty in my life. Yes, there is much to be thankful for. Yes, there is great sadness. Healing comes slow, but we’ve got nothing but time.
Happy New Year!
